Back Home with C-Diff

Have you ever been driving somewhere when you suddenly realize you have no idea where you are going?  This has happened to me far too many times lately.  A few weeks ago I was driving home from Chico on a road I have driven a hundred times before when I realized I had no idea where I was.  It was a brief moment of panic as I scanned the horizon in search of anything that looked familiar.  Ahead of me where miles and miles of rice fields with no land marks to relieve my anxiety.  I continued driving and after a few minutes I saw something that reminded me of where I was.
This is kind of how life is for us right now. Everything has been turned inside out and some pieces of our new life is unfamiliar territory.  Most days are fine and we continue on as we always have with slight modifications for the cancer that is now a third party in our family. Other days I come to the sudden realization that I have no idea where I fit into this puzzle that is our life.
I imagine the adjustment to life with cancer is something like losing a limb in that you have to find ways to adapt.  I used to have a mortal fear of people who were missing limbs.  This fear started early in my childhood when I saw a man without any legs begging for money near a busy mall.  I was intrigued by his lack of limbs and felt as if I was frozen in place as I stared at him. I remember my Mom grabbing my hand and ushering me along as she explained that he was holding a sign that said he had lost his legs in the war. 
Nothing traumatizing happened in that event, but it is burned in my memory along with a feeling a fear.  I think the fear was more of my own at the thought of losing a limb.  Many years later, my Grandpa got a staff infection in his leg which resulted in it being amputated just below the knee.  I remember the day he had it amputated, I was so sad for him and so afraid of seeing him.  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel.  What if I couldn't look at him?  Would I love him the same?
It's silly now to look back at that moment and wonder how I ever could have been so close minded.  Of course I would still love him!  I simply had never been in a circumstance that tested my capacity like that before.  I quickly learned that there is no health challenge big enough to alter the capacity to love.  That was a good lesson that I have reflected on countless times since.
Grandpa's recovery was slow and filled with challenges, but he was persistent and didn't let the loss of a limb slow him down.  He got a prosthetic leg and continued with his gardening and yard work that he so loved.  He looked his disability in the eye and, like Willie, said "that's all you got?"

There is a picture that was taken of my Grandpa and Aunt after he got his fake leg.  In the picture my Aunt is tickling the toes on his fake leg and Grandpa is laughing.  It is one of my favorite photos of all time and I think of it often when I feel like life has handed me a doozy.  It reminds me that there is no challenge or trial so big that there is no room for moments of joy.
I will forever be grateful to my Grandpa for teaching me that.
I thought of that picture often this week as it was one of Willie's harder weeks.  He received chemo treatments on Monday and Wednesday without incident, but Wednesday night his stomach started to hurt.  We passed it off as chemo and when we has in bed all day Thursday with no energy we blamed the treatments.  When the diarrhea started I got worried.  He had hardly anything to drink all day Thursday then lost alot of fluids through the diarrhea so when we got to the hospital on Friday I requested the nurse give him IV fluids right away.
She moved us to a private room and started the IV fluids then took blood and stool samples to run some tests.  His potassium was 2.6 so they gave him a couple bags of IV potassium.  He got his morning chemo and we went back to the hotel.  The Dr. called just after we got there to report that he has C-Diff which is an ugly infection of the gut that causes intense and frequent diarrhea that comes with risks of dehydration, especially for chemo patients. She got him a prescription for an antibiotic and put us on strict quarantine rules for a week.  C-Diff is terribly contagious so Willie is hanging out here at home where he can keep his bugs to himself.
This coming week is the time when the chemo really starts to take effect.  We see the doctor in Chico twice this week and he will order transfusions when Willie needs them.  I don't know if I'm up to managing his care from home.  At the hospital we knew that his labs were being checked twice a day and transfusions could be given at any moment they were needed.  At home we will only be checking  his labs twice a week which means his counts could be low for days before a blood test catches them.  There is also the threat of the dreaded "chemo fever" that they say every chemo patient gets at some point.  With this fever it's not at "if", but "when" it will happen and the second his temperature spikes we are to take him to the emergency room.
With his last round of chemo he only spiked a temp a few times and they were always short lived.  We're hoping for the same good fortune this time. 
Thank you all for your words of encouragement, love, prayers and support.  We are so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who lift us up when we are down and remind us that there is always joy to be had.
Here's to a good week and a quick goodbye to the dreaded C-Diff!