Day 21.

Willie had a rough weekend.  He had some nausea last Friday that they controlled by giving him a HUGE dose of IV Zofran.  The dose was effective at kicking his tummy woes, but it left him constipated. 
It seems there is no happy medium for bowels in the cancer world. 
To correct this issue he took 2 stool softeners and we quickly learned that was far too many as he spent all of Sunday cleaning his insides out. If that wasn't enough, the upset in bowels left him with an uncomfortable hemorrhoid.
The funny thing about hemorrhoids is that no one talks about them, but half of the people you will meet have had them before.  Willie has not been shy about discussing his angry backside and we have heard confessions from many a nurse that she too has had hemorrhoids.  I spent the weekend reading blogs from other people who have had bone marrow transplants.  It seems to be a running theme that hemorrhoids and bowel issues are just a part of the process. 
He is expected to have bowel upset and loose stools for a long time while his gut continues to repair from the onslaught of chemotherapy and radiation it received. He basically has to regenerate an entirely new gut lining which is a task for anyone, but especially for the immune compromised.  The doctors are careful to monitor his bowel movements because Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD) can manifest in the gut.  This occurs when the new donor cells attack the recipients bowels.  It can be very dangerous and it's something we hope to avoid.
I was entirely depressed after reading so many BMT blogs.  It seems one in three of the people I read about ended up losing their battle to cancer.  I found myself justifying reasons as to why this will never happen to Willie, because he is stronger, or that he is younger and in better physical condition. The sad, sad truth is that cancer simply doesn't care who you are. 
That's not to say that I've lost hope for our case, or that I am even the slightest bit fearful for our future.  I'm just as faithful and filled with hope as ever!  I still firmly believe that Willie is going to come of out of this just fine.  It's just eye opening to see what the process of getting to be "just fine" can entail. 
I have to keep reminding myself that coming out on top doesn't mean that you were on top the whole way.
Last night the hemorrhoid was rearing (pun intended) it's ugly head so badly that Willie found it impossible to sit on the toilet.  In his defense, the toilet in this apartment is incredibly uncomfortable.  It is low to the ground and has a tiny, tiny seat.  It is a "New Age" toilet like everything else in this complex, so it does not have a handle flush, but rather two buttons on the top.  One button does half a flush for business that is not too big, the other is a full flush button for when you need a good clean up.  I have never seen anything like it and find the whole concept to be funny.
Willie sent me out last night to find a seat raiser for the toilet.  He had used a higher seated toilet in the hospital and found it to be very helpful.  I went to Walgreens and stood in the medical equipment aisle for close to an hour, taking pictures of toilet accessories and texting them to Willie.  He didn't like any of the options and I was about to give up when an employee pushed a cart of items to restock down the aisle.  There, sitting on top of the pile was a toilet seat raiser with bars on the side.  It was as if the heavens opened up and shone down on the beautiful piece of equipment. I snagged it from the cart before the employee could move it to the shelf.
"Can I just take a picture of this for my husband?" I asked as I held it possessively.
"You do whatever you want to do lady." He said back with a sly smile that made me laugh.
"I know I look crazy right now." I replied as I looked down at the toilet seat.
"You have no idea what I see every day." He said and I laughed.
If you can't laugh about a toilet booster seat, what can you laugh about?
I texted a picture of it to Willie and he confirmed that it was indeed "The One."
$100 dollars later we are the proud owners of a geriatric toilet seat.
The good news is, it is helping to relieve some of Willie's pain. 
Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done to expedite the healing of a hemorrhoid.  We just have to wait for his body to repair them. 
In better news, Willie has been passing the time by watching old episodes of Cheers on Netflix.  He discovered there are 275 episodes total and that he would need to watch about 3 a day to see them all.  This has become his unspoken goal and today he announced he has completed the first season!  I congratulated him as if he had completed a huge feat. 
Tonight I will write "Cheers" on my gratitude chain.  I know it may seems simple and silly, but I'm grateful he has something to look forward to every day. 

Thank you for the continued prayers and support. 

Here's to hoping and praying that his bowels will begin to cooperate soon!